Sunday, August 7, 2011

Drumsticks of Death

What you will need:

A bottle of wimpy hot sauce (such as Frank's Red Hot or Tapatio)
5-10 chicken drumsticks
A stick of butter
1 tb paprika
2 tsp smoked salt
1 tsp cracked pepper
2 tsp coriander
2 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp chipotle powder
oil of your choice ( I like peanut or sesame)
Face-melting hot sauce, to taste (such as Mad Dog 357 or Blair's Death Sauce)
An iron will

You are an extremophile. You defy death as you soar on the wings of fire-breathing griffons. You know that the only kind of chicken drumsticks fit for your palate which has been forged in the fires of awesome are the drumsticks of death. Do not share the drumsticks of death with the uninitiated, for they are weak. Yet you are strong. You will stare down the open maw of the infernal beast. And you will defeat it.

In a saucepan, combine the wimpy hot sauce and the stick of butter over low heat. Add salt and pepper to taste, then get ready for the pain. Season your sauce with the face-melting hot sauce drop by drop. Put as much as you like, but remember, if you're not sweating when you taste your sauce, it's not extreme enough! I recommend simmering this sauce beneath a fan on high, unless you are keen on giving yourself and everyone who lives with you uncontrollable fits of coughing!

Brush the oil onto the chicken. You're doing great. Blend the spices in a small bowl, and rub them all over the chicken. Remember, spice rubs are sexy, so be sure to go slow and show that chicken some lovin'. Fire up your grill to a nice medium heat, and throw those bad boys on there. When you think the chicken is about halfway done, start basting it with your buffalo sauce of death. Don't worry about the sauce burning and caramelizing, the buffalo sauce is pretty resistant to that. Brush at least four or five layers of liquid pain onto each side of the chicken. Be sure to apply a generous coat of sauce right before you remove the drumsticks from the grill.

When you remove the chicken from the grill, wrap each piece in aluminum foil and let it rest for 10-15 minutes. This will tenderize the chicken even further. After that, tighten your bonnets, buckle down your pilgrim's shoes, and get ready to give thanks, because you have no idea how much you're about to have to be thankful for! Oh, and try not to touch your face while you eat these guys. You might even want to wear gloves, if you used enough of that face-melting hot sauce!  


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